Book: Who Killed the Mince Spy
Author: Matthew Redford
Synopsis: Tenacious carrot, detective inspector Willie Wortell is back to reveal the deviously delicious mind behind the crime of the festive season in this hugely entertaining, and utterly unconventional, short story.
When Mitchell the Mince Spy is horrifically murdered by being over baked in a fan oven, it falls to
the Food Related Crime team to investigate this heinous act. Why was Mitchell killed? Who is the
mysterious man with a long white beard and why does he carry a syringe? Why is it that the death of a mince spy smells so good?
Detective Inspector Willie Wortel, the best food sapiens police officer, once again leads his team into a series of crazy escapades. Supported by his able homo sapiens sergeant Dorothy Knox and his less able fruit officers Oranges and Lemons, they encounter Snow White and the seven dwarf cabbages as well as having a run in with the food sapiens secret service, MI GasMark5.
With a thigh slap here, and a thigh slap there, the team know Christmas is coming as the upper classes are acting strangely - why else would there be lords a leaping, ladies dancing and maids a milking?
And if that wasn't enough, the Government Minister for the Department of Fisheries, Agriculture and Rural Trade (DAFaRT) has only gone and given the turkeys a vote on whether they are for or against Christmas.
Let the madness begin!
This short story by Matthew Redford follows his deliciously irreverent debut Addicted To Death (Clink Street Publishing, 2015).
I have to start by saying thank you for allowing me to write a guest article on your blog. And so I have been thinking about what I wanted to share with you. You might know that I am an author who writes about food sapiens, those genetically modified food items which developed the ability to breathe, walk and talk. Now that they are fully integrated into society their influence is becoming more and more prominent.
No more so than in music, where you probably haven’t realised that you have been dancing and singing to a number of songs by famous food sapiens. Let me give you a few examples. The famous Australian singer, Curly Kale Minogue, can often be seen dancing away in her gold hot pants which shine brightly against her leafy green skin. And her famous song, I should be so Leeky, has a way of staying with you all day that for some reason, maybe others will agree, but I just can’t get it out of my head.
Then there is the food related pop group Swede Music, who have spent most of their career writing hit songs about food sapiens and food related items. I bet a good number of you have had a few drinks and then danced away to Gimme, Gimme, Gimme some ham after midnight and then of course, how could I write about Swede Music without mentioning Chicken Tikka?
Indeed, it is not just music where food sapiens are becoming influential, for within the police service the Food Related Crime team have been making their presence felt. Led by a determined carrot in Detective Inspector Willie Wortel, the Food Related Crime team, have an excellent crime solving record. Wortel is supported by Dorothy Knox, his homo sapiens sergeant, and also by two fruit officers Oranges and Lemons. Although it must be said that Oranges and Lemons have a ‘unique’ approach to policing which is now used as part of teaching for new recruits under the module heading of ‘For God’s sake please never police like Oranges and Lemons.’
Wortel and Dorothy have been trying their hardest to get Oranges and Lemons to improve, and while there have been some signs that they are getting better, they are always prone to mistaking a victim of assault with something that you put on your chips with some vinegar.
So within the police force the influence of food sapiens can be felt. Technology improvements have seen the police force develop a new flying food related crime device which can be used to track criminals who are escaping from the scene, although IT experts, also known as geeks, are trying to work out why the ice cream drone cannot be used in warm summer months.
So my advice to all of the readers of this blog is quite simple. Keep your eyes peeled for food sapiens. They are all around, in every walk of life. And you might already have a food sapiens colleague or friend but you just don’t yet realise.
About Matthew Redford
Born in 1980, Matthew Redford grew up with his parents and elder brother on a council estate in Bermondsey, south-east London. He now lives in Longfield, Kent, takes masochistic pleasure in watching his favourite football team snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, is a keen chess player and is planning future food related crime novels. To counterbalance the quirkiness of his crime fiction Redford is an accountant. His unconventional debut crime thriller, Addicted to Death: A Food Related Crime
Investigation was published by Clink Street Publishing last summer.
Website - http://www.matthewredford.com/
Twitter - https://twitter.com/matthew_redford